Category: General

           I know that you shouldn’t have favorites, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. When we first opened The Geneva Suites, we had a gal named Ruth move into our Lighted Oak home. Boy oh boy, did she teach me a lot! With the cognitive changes she was experiencing, she had quite a bit of paranoia.  For this reason, she instantly did not like some people. One of those people happened to be my husband, Scott. Ruth would see him and sneer, “You, you are no good.”  Then, she would look at me and exclaim, “Better watch that one.” I would shake my head and say, “No he is a good guy.”

We worked hard to help Ruth feel at home.  For instance, we placed her curio cabinet in the dining room so she could see it and feel at ease while she had meals with us. She loved to walk and get the mail. I would often put some of my children’s artwork in the mailbox so that Ruth could get a “letter” many times a day. Slowly, she began to see Geneva Suites as her home.

On her little deck, Ruth would hold my hand and lean on me as we sat and watched the world go by. Sometimes we would talk about her past, about her kids that she loved, the sports they were involved in, or her husband.  He was in the fire department, and she was so very proud of him. Other days Ruth would talk about her dog, a Dalmatian, who was very smart and very fast. On hard days, we would talk about how scary it was not to know things, “Are you for me or against me?” I would look deep into Ruth’s blue eyes and softly smile, “I’m for you.” Often after a long stare, she would smile a little too. “I believe you. I’m scared, I don’t even know me anymore.”

Those days were hard, and unfortunately, as her disease progressed, the memories became less clear and her world became smaller. She was less worried about trying to leave and more concerned about what she could and could not remember. “I’m bad. I’m a dumb-dumb.” It was so hard to hear her self-deprecate. One of our fantastic care partners came up with an idea, “Let’s give Ruth an affirmation that she can repeat over and over.” This is what it said, “Today is a good day. I love who I am! I accept the things I can’t change! I’m 90 years old, and I’m proud of myself! I am grateful for good health, my body, and my mind. I continue to get stronger every day. I am good.” This affirmation did amazing things for her. Ruth would look into the mirror and state this.  After she held her head higher, and she would stand a little taller.

We had a small keyboard player for her and often after her affirmation, she would play. Many times, it was hymns or quick little children’s songs. One morning, we had a resident who had just passed at the house in the wee hours of the night. With her player, Ruth began to play “How Great Thou Art.”  It was beautiful and so touching to the family as they were finishing their last visit with their dad. Giving the family a hug, the daughter said to me, “I don’t know that I have ever heard her play that song; funny it was Dad’s favorite.” With a big tear, she hugged me again and went into her dad’s room.

I went and sat down next to Ruth; she leaned into me as she finished the last verse. “That was wonderful, Ruth.” She looked into my eyes again for a long time, “I am good?” The question in her voice tore at my heart a little, “Yes Ruth, yes you are.”

“I love you,” she said, putting her head on my shoulder. “I love you too,” I echoed, and I truly did. We sat there for a long time in comfortable silence.

I miss Ruth greatly. After over three years of caring for her in our home, she quietly passed. I treasure the moments that I had with her, the wisdom she shared both with her stories, and the lessons of caring for her we learned as her disease progressed.

I love that what we created allowed her sweet soul to be cared for with dignity and respect and, most of all, love.

 

I recently gave a tour to a new family considering the placement of their aunt in one of our homes.  At the end of the showing, we sat and spoke about their aunt. I learned that she loves to play cards and listen to music.  Shopping for the perfect gifts for birthdays and Christmas was a real joy for her.  Lastly, she loved organizing and sometimes reorganizing her drawers and closets.  Of course, this elevated spring to her favorite season because she relished watching the new life in her garden grow as she tackled spring cleaning.

 

As I looked at the niece reminiscing about her favorite aunt, I could see the love in her eyes. “She was always there for me; she was an amazing role model of how to be a strong woman, especially to a young girl who wanted to be more than a housewife.” I could see there was something troubling her. “Tell me about the concerns you have about your aunt being in our home.”

 

“I’m worried she won’t have enough to do and that there aren’t enough people for her to talk to.”  That was valid, and I was glad that she trusted me enough to share what she was thinking. “Let me talk to you about how we do things a little differently at The Geneva Suites. We focus on meaningful engagements instead of merely days packed with activities. We look at the skills and interests that our residents have and then build upon them.” I gave several examples of how we utilize the Geriatric Montessori method in our homes to provide our residents with a purpose.

 

“We believe that having a feeling of value, improves quality of life, and that is where we put our focus.” The niece began nodding her head, beginning to see the difference. I shared a story of how we had a resident who was very antsy and needed to be busy doing something all day. With his dementia, he was non-verbal, and he was quite mobile. We developed a plan for him to have his own Swiffer with his name on it. He would walk back and forth throughout the day “cleaning” the floors. When I would see him at the house, I would comment that the floors looked great, and he would beam. He was proud that he made a difference in keeping up his home.

This story really resonated with the niece, “I see how personalizing her day would be more difficult in a big setting, however, I can’t see her using a Swiffer; but she would love to help organize Tupperware or put the silverware away.” Now I was the one smiling. She got it! It can be a big leap to go from thinking bingo needs to happen every day to seeing that there is value in the day-to-day activities that make a house a home. Shortly after we ended our tour, she mentioned, “I have a lot to talk to my aunt about to learn what kind of day will feel meaningful to her.”

 

When she called me later to discuss moving forward with her aunt becoming a resident, she said, “After talking we decided that the smaller, quieter setting would work best for her because she is used to a pretty simple lifestyle.  My aunt did ask if she gets any choice in what job she will do, she never did like sweeping.  She was asking if there are any plants she could help take care of?”  My comment was simply, “absolutely, and she will be able to veto jobs if they aren’t her thing.”  With a little chuckle we moved on to schedule the move.

 

I’m looking forward to getting to know our newest resident, learning how she can impact our home and how we can support her in having fulfillment in her day!

 

I received a call this week from a friend of a friend.  “Marlena, I need your help,” I could hear the stress and tears in her voice.

“Of course, what can I do?”

“It’s my dad, he has been in the hospital, and they just told me he has to leave.  They said he needs 24-hour care, and I need to find it in 48 hours.  I don’t know what to do.”

It was difficult to hear the distress in her voice, and at the same time, I was glad that she called and that I had resources to help.

So many people don’t understand the world of senior care, especially when their loved one’s health begins to fail.  It is hard to know what you don’t know.  Making decisions for your parent is difficult; it becomes more challenging when there is a time crunch coupled with not knowing all the options that are available.

Deciphering the complexity of senior care can be overwhelming due to its presentation in a code that doesn’t come with an answer key.  For example, IL, AL, home care, SNF, care suites, and residential homes are all part of the jargon describing senior care.

I offered to sit down with my friend and her family and explained what the abbreviations mean.  I stressed that the most significant factor should be what the care needs are for their father and how to pick the best care him. While we sat, I learned all about their father.  He loves to do little tricks and make people laugh. He can be a little ornery, especially if people are bossy.  He likes choices and didn’t choose to get sick.  The care needs had become significant, and his needs were around the clock.   After the discussion, my takeaways were that they wanted their dad to get the best care and that he was very loved.

The family took the night to think things through, and I felt honored that they chose to move him into one of our homes.  It is a huge responsibility to take care of a family’s precious member.  As we were finishing the details of the move, I said to my friend, “Thank you for trusting us to care for your dad.”

With big tears in her eyes, she said, “No, thank you.  You have made this so much easier for all of us, and we feel at peace with our decision.  I slept the best I have in months knowing that dad is going to be here.  You are a lifesaver.”

After a big hug, I finished up the paperwork.  I couldn’t stop smiling,  I love that I get to do what I love to do every day!  Please let me know what you think, feel free to comment, ask questions, and let me know how I’m doing.  Warmly yours ~ Marlena

It’s funny isn’t it, how time flies. It recently dawned on me that it has been 5 years, almost to the day, since Scott and I decided to put our dream of The Geneva Suites into action. We had been working with each other for close to a year in a private pay, homecare company that Scott started in 2002. We wanted to build something unique together so we toyed with an innovative idea of opening residential homes for seniors that would truly be a home for our residents. These homes would be in gorgeous neighborhoods, they would be big and spacious and most importantly they would provide exceptional care!

If asked, most seniors would say, “I want to stay at home.” Our thought was when their home doesn’t work for various reasons, our residential model would be an awesome alternative. Our homes would be designed specifically for caring for seniors, hoping for our homes to be an extension of the family home. A 1:3 caregiver to resident ratio, would allow 24-hour awake support without hovering. Compared to the other residential models, we wanted to set ourselves apart.

Creating The Geneva Suites has been a labor of love with many successes along the way! We have built it from a dream to a reality and have had the privilege to care for more than a hundred residents, in seven homes, since our first home opened in 2016. The caring does not just come from Scott and me, but also an amazingly talented office team and fantastic loving caregiving staff.

Along the way many have asked me, “how did you ever get into this business?” The reality is, I love caring for people; it’s my passion. I love talking about what I do and why. So here I go– this blog will be an area where I can relay the good, the challenging and the heartwarming. I hope to share sweet stories I have experienced, the industry knowledge that I have gained, and my opinions on how we can take better care of our seniors, the greatest generation ever. I’ve never blogged before so feel free to comment, ask questions, and let me know how I’m doing.

Warmly yours ~ Marlena